You hear the above word referenced all the time.
Mostly you hear it nowadays to be with kids and school. But did you know adults can have bullies too?
I do.
I've had one for 7 years and with each passing year he just keeps getting worse. The problem with my bully - he's my husband's friend. I've talked about him many times on here, about the various things he's done in our lives to make our lives not as lovely.
Its gotten worse. I reached my breaking point. There is no stopping this bully.
I was introduced into his psycho world when I met Keith. The bully was married with one kid. He was not happy in his marriage so you would find him leaving the kid at home with the wife and going off and doing whatever he felt was his right to do. His wife knew what he was doing and started doing her own thing as well. They got pregnant with kid #2 and he continued with his ways. We would be invited to holidays and parties and you'd hear them verbally attacking each other. It was bad to the point that the holiday was ruined. The bully caught the wife one night with another man and the wife filed for divorce the next day because she finally had enough. He counter filed and their marriage was over. To this day he will tell you what she did wrong, never what he did - even though he had been doing it their entire marriage. He moved in with his parents and started living off of them again.
Keith and I never picked sides. It was assumed we were on Bully's side because Keith was friends with him. We are kid #2's godparents and for the sake of the kids, I never picked a side. I still talk to the ex whenever its needed, for the kids sake though. This is when Bully decided it was time to shake things up now that he was a single man legally.
He was single...ready to mingle. Problem was all his friends were now in relationships that meant something and enjoying every minute of it. He became increasingly jealous of the time Keith and I were spending together - by this time we had been together for a few years. This is when he started to say things to his other friends. Problem bully doesn't seem to comprehend - when you say something about someone else, it will always travel back to the person you are talking about. These friends of his would occasions say he said this or that about you, I just brushed it off because we all knew the problems in Bully's head.
Keith and I get engaged and of course Bully was Keith's best man. Bully decides to take Keith out of the state for his party. No biggie - usually when you leave the state you tell people where you are going in case something happens with them or here so you can get a hold of them. He would only tell me the city, nothing else. Other wives/girlfriends tried to get info out of him and he wouldn't tell them either. They were supposed to be gone Friday - Sunday when we hear honking outside on a Thursday night, the night we were spending together before Keith left, because Bully decided to leave earlier. He was harassing us from outside, got the cops called on him by neighbors, and Keith left without saying goodbye because its what Bully wanted. Bully took his phone away from him too - and funny, I had major car issues that weekend that I needed to consult Keith about.
I knew then that he would never respect me. Ever.
The day of the wedding, Bully is in charge of Keith. Takes him around, makes sure he's at the church on time. I find out from Bully's mom that Bully is very upset this day. Upset that his best friend is getting married and no one is single with him anymore. Bully's mom told him that if he acted better he'd find someone and be happy too and Bully apparently tells his mom that Keith isn't happy. He's just marrying me because its the next step and he knows what will happen in the future. What a supportive friend!!
Bully brings a date to the wedding. We never officially met this date because shortly after he deemed her just a friend. A few months later Bully meets a random girl at a bar. She, at the time, was not divorced, but had 3 kids and a good job (Bully needs the woman to support him). They start a relationship and from the get go, no one family wise or friend wise liked her. Bad first impression - we invited them over, and she proceeds to drink all the wine I have at my house. Did she ask? Nope - just opened up bottle after bottle while she smoked outside. People start distancing themselves from him because they can't stand this new girl. She finally files for divorce and attaches herself to Bully just as he is starting to tell people he's not interested in her anymore. We all warned him that we had a feeling something was going to happen when he told her this.
We were right. She got pregnant. Her oldest kid also claimed physical abuse by Bully and there's a restraining order and court date out on him. Very soon he could have a nice big file with the state.
Oh and he's trying to break Keith and I up.
A friend of ours told me a few weeks ago about about yet another rumor Bully has been saying about me. I had been strong for the past 7 years that it finally got to me, this was my last straw. The rumor is not true in any way shape or form. One should never ever be saying this like this about his best friends wife. Never.
It has been causing Keith and I to bicker. He's in the middle of his wife and best friend and he's not a fan of it. I haven't talked to Bully in weeks and I have no intentions to unless I have to. Which I don't have to a lot so that's fine with me. Until Bully realizes he needs to fess up and take responsibility for his actions I don't need that kind of person in my life.
Bully took to Facebook about it the other day, calling me bad names and whatnot. People tried to defend me and he called them out, telling them I'm not a good person and they shouldn't be on my side because I've ruined his life and Keith's life. Keith told me to talk to him, so I emailed him and laid out why I'm mad. But I'm done after that. The email apparently pissed Bully off. Keith saw it, said it was fine. Someone else saw it and said it was fine. I did what my husband asked and I'm done.
So that is my bully story.
After some research I found, my Bully falls into the category of narcissistic bully (self centered, doesn't share empathy with others, little to no anxiety about the consequences to his actions) and verbal adult bully. He doesn't stop until he gets the last word. He was bullied as a kid, and I know his mom calls him words til this day. You learn from what you're given but its still no excuse.
I didn't tell Keith he can't hang out with him. I did request that he doesn't drop me for him (which he actually hasn't done in a long time) and he is not allowed at our house. Bully got a new job that requires him to work nights so honestly the only time he's off is when I'm off and when Keith and I are together so that works out. Keith has not been answering his phone calls. He will text back on occasion but he's been pretty good about it.
When I think about it, I don't know how he and Keith even became friends. They do say opposites attract.
And that's what's weighing on my heart lately. I'm trying to stay strong, with everything else I'm going through, and I feel better just writing the above. I was really debating on posting this but I decided to go ahead and do it. Today is the day Bully thinks he's going to get his revenge and post more stuff about me on Facebook. He sent Keith a reminder about it for some reason. Our mutual friends will know to ignore it but if it gets into the wrong hands (ie, he added my Dad awhile ago) he won't be too happy. I'm deleting him after this week - he's already on block but since he was telling Keith that he will be posting things about me, I decided to keep him to see what he thinks he's going to share.
Bullies are very bad to this world. If only we all could be nice.
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